words
there has been a rounding here,
a filling out and burgeoning-
curves replacing, superseding,
straight lines and angles.
breasts a warm, silken weight,
hips sloping to thighs made firm,
back arcing, bending
luxuriating in the feel, the sense-
of touch.
summer
within this kaleidoscope of memories
i remember walking-
summer still air heavy on our limbs
sunburnt grass murmuring beneath our feet,
a soft counterpoint to endless conversations
about everything, mostly nothing,
laughter tumbling in the wind.
boundless time stretching before us,
forever etching my mind with memories.
facing down
a brave front,
bright smile affixed with bloodletting pins
to hide, to cover-
to create this
a facade
a malleable mask,
chipper armor to keep such fears as these
at bay.
yet now
there is a facing down-
an admitting to self,
a reckoning.
slow dawning,
realization that to conquer
takes strength,
that which is possessed
herein
scattered
she is scattered,
fragments of self
left behind, forgotten,
gathering filaments of dust
in pergatory's lost and found.
this girl that you see here
is a fantasy,
a melding and mixing
of layers, meanings.
she is malleable,
easy to shape and form
into a pleasing
choose your own adventure girlfriend
page 29 and she cooks you dinner,
or, if you need a thrill, turn to page 40
and she happily agrees to a threesome.
whatever you desire,
she will gladly be,
because she is no one without someone.
creative sorrow
i'm currently sitting here in a state of chaotic disorder with hands covered in a mixture of modge-podge, gray and black paint, scraps of paper and pictures. strange how a state of numbing discontent can be a catalyst for a creative burst. there is a soothing quality to loosing myself in brushes, canvas, colors. these pieces reflect tonight's troubled state of mind and i feel that something has been transferred, released. while the numbness remains, the chaos that whirled within me has found purchase on 4 x 6 rectangles, trapped within glue and paint like bugs in amber. perhaps now there can be a place for calm.
what's so scary about silence?
without noise there is no buffer, nothing to blot out thoughts, nothing to hide behind. noise allows the mind to fill up with clutter, 30 second soundbites, witty one-liners, jingles, useless trivia. noise crowds out uncomfortable thoughts, provides a numbing relief much like novacaine. after a full day of sensory overload the brain nearly tingles; quiet is too quiet, loud in the absence of sound. like a junkie searching for the next fix, the mind looks for a new source, new sounds, new sensory explosions. if it can't find something new, then old hat will do just as long as the quiet is silenced with noise.
who needs an attention span when the headlines repeat endlessly every half hour? when television screens are split into numerous sections filled with stats, scrolling info lines, and flashing icons, a virtual candy store for the eye; why shouldn't the brain be able to take it all in? Here, constantly available, at your very fingertips, is all the information you may or may not need. This is not noise, but vital information. If you disconnect, unplug, how can you be informed?
this is an addiction. just say no?
